Dumb and Dumber Dino Days
by old leg
Summary: A cross-over between Jurassic Park and Dumb and Dumber in a story of humor and adventure. This is the unwritten story of when Hammond decides to invite two of the world's most famed idiots of all time on a tour of his island. Laughs are sure to follow...


**Prologue**

**John Hammond is currently known as the biggest failure in the world in the eyes of many people today. His whole money-making island mysteriously crashed down around him. Most of the world just sees him as unprepared, but what his real problem was the fact that he let visitors in too early. Maybe it wasn't even that, and maybe it was just the people he invited. All I can say is that however the island failed, it definitely failed hard. How it crashed is for you to decide…..**

* * *

><p><strong>Hank<strong> walked into Hammond's office carrying a stack of papers. "Mr. Hammond, everything is ready for us to open. The fencing around the Anabisetia exhibit is being put up now, but it should be ready by Tuesday."

Hammond scratched his bead and leaned back in his chair, "Who did we choose?"

Hank set the papers down and pulled one off the top, "First off, we need our lawyer. His name is Donald Gennaro, a real prick if you ask me." He handed a photo of the man to Hammond.

Hammond flipped it around, "Yes, yes, forget lawyers, who exciting?"

Hank pulled another picture off the stack, "Well, since you picked out the experts like Grant, Ellie, and Ian, we thought it would be smart to invite some, er, people of a lesser intelligence…"

Hammond took the picture and opened his eyes wide, "Is he standing in front of a…giant dog?"

Hank tugged at his collar, "Car dressed like a dog, and that would be Harry Dunne. He's a dog groomer."

Hammond chuckled to himself, "Really?"

Hank coughed and sat in the chair across from Hammond, "He has a friend too, Lloyd Christmas."

Hammond looked up from the picture with an open smile, "Christmas? Like the holiday?"

"Apparently, and they both agreed to come."

After looking the pictures over again, Hammond shook his head grinning. "Well, this might be the greatest idea we've had since this park."

* * *

><p><strong>Harry<strong> walked into the apartment and cracked a beer open, "Why us?"

Lloyd picked at a scab, "He must be somebody I drove in the limo. Who cares?"

"I could've groomed their dog, you know. But I think it's a scam."

Lloyd groaned and swung a limp hand at him, "Scam. It's too big to be a scam. Those guys meant business."

"I know, I know. Say is that pack of hotdogs still in the fridge?"

Lloyd sighed and patted his stomach, "No-"suddenly a mouse scurried across the floor and Lloyd screamed jumping onto his chair.

Harry coughed on his beer and sat up straight, "What?"

"There! Harry! IT was huge!" Lloyd pointed towards the far corner of the room where the mouse sat eating a crumb and twitching its whiskers.

Harry stood up shaking his head, "Oh would you calm down. It's Just a mouse, say, I'll feed it to Petey." Harry approached the mouse with an outstretched arm, "Here little guy."

Right before Harry closed his hand, the mouse lunged up his robe sleeve and Harry jumped back screaming. He backed up into the wall and fell backwards onto a couch. He continued shouting as the mouse became a moving lump under his robe.

"Harry! Kill it!" Lloyd cried from the couch.

Harry jumped up and swung his arm, launching the mouse out of the sleeve like a rocket right into Lloyd's face. Lloyd flinched from the projectile and smacked his head off the wall. He collapsed onto the ground and grabbed the mouse off of his chest. Struggling, he turned his face to the side and began pushing the mouse away. He rolled on top of it, pinning it to the ground. Lloyd laughed and insane, hysterical laugh, until the mouse bit his hand and he lost control.

"AH! It bites! It bites Harry!" Lloyd quickly began kicking his feet and back pedaling towards the door.

Harry jumped over him, grabbed the mouse, and launched it as hard as he could out the open 2nd story window. Breathing heavily, he turned back to see Lloyd sucking his thumb in the corner.

* * *

><p><strong>The<strong> day of the trip finally came, and were all picked up in Hammond's personal INGEN helicopter.

First aboard the trip were the couple Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler. Dr. Grant wasn't just a man of science, he held a firm physique. It would seem that the life of an adventurer would have best suited him. His partner Ellie held this same appearance, and they seemed a perfect match. Unfortunately, Grant still never decided to tie the knot.

Aside from the paleontologists, there was the mathematician who specialized in chaos theory, Dr. Ian Malcolm. He was also in shape, but being a college professor fitted him better than adventurer. He seemed to take a nice, warm welcome to Ellie.

The lawyer aboard the trip was Donald Gennaro. He was an uptight, balding, middle-aged man trying to make money in any way possible. He didn't appear to like anybody else invited on the trip, and the only man he cared about was Hammond.

The helicopter's propellers swirled in the air as the guests boarded. Grant took the farthest seat next to Ellie, and next to her Lloyd sat followed by Harry. Across from them, Dr. Malcolm, Donald, and Hammond sat.

As Hammond had ordered, every person aboard the trip had some 'unique' characteristics.

Lloyd leaned across Ellie, "Hey, I'm Lloyd anis' is Harry!"

Grant leaned back and glanced at Ellie, "Pleasure." He stretched out a hand. Lloyd went to grab it and accidently grazed Ellie's chest. She jerked up and gasped.

"Oops," Lloyd giggled. "Well at least you and I are aquatinted!"

Ellie smiled at Grant and looked back to Lloyd, "Yes, I'm Dr. Ellie Sattler."

Lloyd laughed, "Oh, street pharmacist?"

Harry leaned past Lloyd, "Sorry, he's slow."

Lloyd jerked his head back and smacked Harry on the arm. Harry quickly retaliated and smacked Lloyd on the head.

"You're it!" Lloyd shouted.

The others in the helicopter could do nothing but watch as a flailing of hands and shouting erupted.

"You're it, quitsies!" Harry said.

Lloyd smacked him back, "Anti-quitsies, no starties!"

"Anti-quities, no starties, no anti-quities!" Harry smacked him back, "Stamped it!"

"You can't do that!" Lloyd argued. Grant stared daggers at Hammond.

"Can too, double stamped it!"

"Triple stamped it, no erasies!" Lloyd concluded before plugging his ears and singing.

Harry was infuriated, "You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!"

Hammond smacked his prized cane off the ground, "Enough! I will not have this in my park!"

The helicopter fell silent, and you could tell that Harry and Lloyd died a little inside. Hammond's face was beat red, but everybody else seemed to be rather entertained by the pair.

The helicopter neared the park and soared high above the trees. Lloyd planted his face into the window and began pointing at random 'attractions'.

"Settle down, we haven't even landed yet, "Hammond shook his head looking at Grant.

Malcolm shifted in his seat and gnawed on a piece of gum. "Well, this is going to be an exciting trip…"


End file.
